We All Die Young
by Andramion
Summary: Set 10 years after the manga/anime. You guys know what the M rating means. (shit I'm bad at summaries. If I think of something good I'll put it here) [Pairing: EruMika]


Outside the windows, rain was pelting down, the worst of the storm still on its way. Though the drops made quite the noise as they hit the glass, the two blond men leaning over the table didn't seem to take notice of it.

_Seem_, because ever since Commander Erwin Smith's right arm had been devoured by a titan during the rescue mission for the kidnapped Eren Yaeger, what was left of it itched when it rained. Whether it was caused a psychological issue or some weird quirk of nature, it annoyed him to no end.

"Commander?"

Erwin turned his head back, his gaze shifting from the window to the young man next to him, looking up at him with bright blue eyes. People had been saying Armin Arlert looked like his superior ever since he joined the scouting legion ten years ago, but now those comments seemed to have stopped. After all, he had grown up to look quite different from the Commander, who had a broader and more muscled figure, where Armin was slender and lean.

"Yes, Captain Arlert."

"We can go over this tomorrow, if you want to. I could look for Hanji and go over it with her first."

Erwin brought his one hand up and rubbed his chin and felt some light stubble, even though he'd shaved that morning. After all this time, he'd gotten so used to only having his left arm, that he even used it for these kinds of thoughtless gestures.

"That would help, thank you." The stern look on his face dissipated at the same time the worry on Armin's changed to a gentle smile. "Make sure Levi is there when you talk to Hanji, it will save us a meeting."

"Will do," the younger answered with a nod and he started rolling up the maps he'd brought along with him. With a bow and a smile, Armin left his room, off to find Hanji and Levi, who were hopefully still up.

Erwin sighed and walked over to his chair, where he sat down and leaned back in a way very much unbecoming of the head of a military force. It wasn't that he wasn't able to sit up straight and look authoritative, no, it was more that he was strung out and annoyed and his shoulder was _itching_ like a bitch and in his solitude, Erwin couldn't muster up the will to brace his back and finish the rest of the workload he'd set for himself that day.

This was enjoyable though, half-lying in his chair, pretending there were no lands _beyond_ wall Maria they were planning to conquer now that they'd grasped that first long longed for goal, pretending there wasn't a care in the world. Pretending there was time to let go if his stern mask and goof off with his trusted friends, that there was no need for them to be _trusted_ friends in order for him to do so.

Pretending there was a woman he could hold, with _both_ of his arms, hugging her tight to his chest and pressing kisses onto her cheeks, her nose, her lips, her neck. A woman who would cling to him tightly, tangle her fingers in his hair and tell him she loved him because he held her head above the water of this ever turbulent life.

"Commander! Erwin! Smith!"

At the loud, sudden sound, Erwin nearly topped out of his chair backwards. In reflex, he swung his arm to grab the edge of his desk and steady himself. One glance upwards showed him a head of dark head, pale skin and rosy lips. The resemblance to the woman he'd just been daydreaming about was uncanny.

"Miss Ackerman." At the sound of her name, the young woman stood up a little straighter and saluted him with one fist behind her back, one over her heart. Erwin couldn't even give a proper military salute anymore. "What brings you here?"

She ignored the question for a second, while her eyes roamed over his face, her eyebrows slightly drawn together. Though he felt the need to move, to get out from under that gaze, he sat still and endured it.

"I thought we were on a first-name basis," she said, her voice flat. That, too, was something Erwin had gotten used to.

"A first-name…" he repeated after her, the sound of his voice quickly fading in the slightly cold castle room. And it was true, or at least it had been in those days she'd been stuck with the job of taking care of him after he'd lost his arm, during those days he'd been feverish and almost hallucinating before they'd cut off the infected part of that stub that had remained, right up to his shoulder.

And then again, after the last bodies had been burned and laid to rest and the Scouting Legion had thinned out, searching for families to reunite with and lovers to lay with, and the remaining soldiers had had a feast in the light of a bonfire. When her brother Eren had been too elated and happy dancing around the fire for her to feel the need to look after him and she'd sat down next to the commander downing his pitcher of celebratory high-quality beer.

It wasn't at all surprising that after ten years of being in the Scouting Legion's service, the trainees of the 104th squad that were left had become rather familiar with their seniors and superiors and even Erwin found himself addressing them by their first names sometimes. Erwin didn't interact with Jean and the two clowns very often, but their and Eren's first names seemed to slip from Erwin's tongue quite easily. Armin was a different case. The brilliant strategist had a thing for protocol and etiquette and didn't seem to mind keeping things formal with his superiors. Hanji was the only one he interacted more freely with.

Yes, Mikasa was a whole different case, because Erwin, who was the Scouting Legion's leader, their highest ranking official and who could easily see the distance between himself and the soldiers, had seen that gap between him and Mikasa sewing shut. And _that_ was the reason he'd pretty much stopped deviating from the 'Miss Ackerman' he'd called her from the start.

Leaving Mikasa's comment for what it was, Erwin repeated his earlier question. "What brings you here?"

Mikasa squinted slightly when he ignored her, clearly annoyed. Still, she produced a scroll of paper from her waistband and rolled it out on his desk. Erwin turned to look at it, trying to ignore how close her body was when she leaned over, resting an elbow on the desk and her chin in her hand, pointing at the bottom of the page.

"I need you to sign this. I'm picking up the new recruits tomorrow and you haven't okayed the usage of the carts to transport them here yet."

"Ah, of course." Erwin stood up, stepped closer to his desk and pulled his chair after him by hooking one foot behind one of its legs. Settling down again, he reached to pick his fountain pen up from where it lay on the corner of his desk, the movement forcing Mikasa to stand up straight and step back

His handwriting was neat, but not nearly as clear and readable as it had been. It was one of the things he still hadn't mastered doing with his left hand. Still, his name at the bottom of the page looked official enough. He turned and passed the paper to her. She rolled it up with a few quick movements of her fingers. Then she used the roll to give him a light tap on his shoulder, accompanied by a soft 'thanks', after which she turned and started walking towards his door.

He watched her retreat, saw how the short way her hair was cut left some of the skin of her neck, just above her ever present red scarf, bare. It had been a lot longer when she'd first joined the Legion, but the sight of that bit of pale skin was pleasant in a way Erwin couldn't wrap his head around. If he were to run the tips of his fingers over it, how soft would it feel?

"Oh, and Erwin," she addressed him as she stopped to turn slightly and look at him over her shoulder, "if that is still itching, you should get it looked at."

A little dazed, Erwin lowered his hand and held it out in front of him. He hadn't consciously started rubbing his shoulder. When he looked up, he was met with the sight of the door just closing.

* * *

"They seem to be alright," Hanji noted as she and Erwin stood at the edge of the training fields. "And there are quite a few, aren't there?" Erwin nodded and looked at the forty-something new recruits filing out of the horse-drawn carts.

Even though he'd previously made it a habit to go to the recruiting himself, to request the graduating soldiers join the Scouting Leagion _himself_, the 105th trainee squad had been the last time he'd done that. Even with Eren's titan abilities proven to mankind, even with the optimistic state everyone had been in when he'd left the castle to get them, the number of newbies he'd brought back that day could be counted on one hand. _Ironic,_ Levi had called it.

After that, Erwin had started sending other high ranking soldiers out every year, not wanting to confront the possible new recruits with the sight of a one-armed commander. Over the last six years, it had been Mikasa, who seemed to haul in more than any of the others had. He'd promoted her three years ago, giving her full responsibility over the newly graduated recruits' everyday training.

Now he watched her, Connie and Sasha guide them towards the corridors leading to the barracks, her stance straight and formal and authoritative. It was hard not to feel proud of soldiers that held out this long, even harder when that soldier had saved many, many lives in the field.

"You're staring." Erwin turned his head to see Hanji grinning while she avoided his gaze.

"I'm just observing," he disagreed, looking at the woman across the field again. Mikasa waved at them before she turned and closed the line moving into the corridors.

"Just observing, huh." Hanji chuckled and started walking. "Sounds about right." After that, she only spoke of business while they strolled around the gardens, right up until they were about to part ways.

"You know, that girl is interested."

Erwin's head dipped a little. He already had his back to Hanji, walking towards his office with a steady pace, so she couldn't see his face.

"_Goodnight_, Hanji," he said, ignoring the crazy scientist's words and rounding the corner before she could say any more. Hanji wasn't far off though. Erwin had figured so much out himself. The question that remained unanswered though, was _how_ interested Mikasa really was. Not to mention why.

Erwin's office was cold when he came in and he eyed the stack of paperwork on his desk with a scowl. Although he generally didn't mind doing it, he hadn't slept well the previous night, images of dark hair and rosy lips keeping him in that limbo between wake and sleep for a long time. The nights before that it had been that and incoherent nightmares filled with pain and fire and giant teeth clamping down on his left arm.

Somehow, he managed to light the wood in his fireplace and he walked from his desk to the fire and back several times to light candles so he could work. He moved sheet after sheet of paper, going over every letter and word and sentence carefully as the stack on his right slunk and on the one on his left grew. The very, very best thing about mind-numbing paperwork, was that it kept his thoughts from wandering to place he didn't want them to go.

* * *

"Name."

"Hendrick Amsel, ma'am!"

Mikasa scribbled the name behind the number 306 on her notes and gave the fifteen-year-old a curt nod.

"Goodnight, mister Amsel."

"Goodnight, ma'am!" He greeted her with a salute before he disappeared into the room that was, for now at least, his. 306. Which one had that been last year?

With the click of her boots on the stone in her step, Mikasa walked down the hallway until she came across Connie, who had just finished showing his share of the recruits to their rooms. He handed her his notes, each of the names a tight scribble. Inwardly, Mikasa sighed. If only Eren had been available to help, she wouldn't have to spend time on deciphering Connie's handwriting.

While Mikasa enjured Connie's jokes, even laughed at a few of them, first Sasha and then Armin showed up, both of them handing their sheets of paper to her too. Connie and Sasha threw their arms around each other's shoulders after Mikasa bid them goodnight and stalked off to their own rooms. Connie too had grown a little over the past years, though he was still only about Sasha's height.

"They haven't changed a bit, have they," Armin asked, looking at Mikasa with a smile on his face. She still had to get used to looking up at him instead of down.

"I suppose," she answered, turning around to walk the other way, and Armin followed suit. "I'm going to go write my report about today, so I'll be in my room if you need me."

"Oh, okay. I'll guess I'll just…" Armin looked around and Mikasa stopped walking for a second. Had they planned to do something that evening? "Do you know where Eren is?"

"He's off with Jean, remember?" Mikasa raised an eyebrow. Jean had gone out to visit his family in Trost and Eren had gone with him to see Christa and Ymir, who'd taken to a much quieter life within wall Rose after wall Maria had been brought back to human territory. Armin and Mikasa both knew that. So Armin was just looking for company. That usually meant he was being haunted by bad memories, or good memories he wished didn't exist, like the ones of the titan trio before they turned out to be enemies. "You can come sit with me," she offered. To make sure it didn't seem like did it for him too much, she added: "It'll be quiet, so you can read one of your books."

Armin smiled at her and nodded. "Thanks, Mikasa."

The evening passed between them as quiet as Mikasa had promised. She worked on her report, writing sentence after sentence and ordering the forty-seven new names into training groups. The actual training would make her decide who to put in which squad. She'd have to work out a schedule to personally observe each recruit's capabilities of using the 3DMG, their hand-to-hand combat, their tactical thinking skills. After finding out how badly the reports from the training sites actually reflected the recruits three years ago, she'd taken it upon herself to judge them.

She came across Connie's page and sighed. She wasn't going to finish this report for another while. Over by her bed, Armin had fallen asleep sitting on the floor, his book open on his lap and his head lolling back and resting on her bed's matrass. She got up, marked the page he was reading and, with a grunt, lifted him up onto the sheets. He'd taken his boots off by the door, so that wasn't a problem.

She stood up straight and watched Armin's chest go up and down with every deep, calm breath. She was lucky to still have him around, healthy and _complete_. Eren might be able to grow his limbs back, but Armin sure wouldn't be that lucky. It was a miracle by itself that he'd gotten through the past ten years without losing a limb or worse, dying. Sometimes it was hard to remember that, physically, he was just as good as the average soldier. Especially after a display of his brilliant mind.

The teapot gave only one half cup more of the drink when she tipped it above her cup. Mikasa drank it and made a sour face. It was cold. Then she got back to work, trying to figure out what on earth Connie had written down, until she came across a name that tugged at her memory.

Nina Vogler. Where had she heard that name before? She wrote the name down with deft strokes of her pen, just under Rosalinde Thalberg in room 212. From the pile of folders on the floor, she pulled the girl's report from the training site and looked at the picture. Young, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles. Something in the shape of her face gave Mikasa that same weird feeling, that feeling of _almost_ remembering something.

Shaking her head, she closed the folder and moved it onto Rosalinde Thalberg's. Next. Next. Next. Mikasa finished Connie's list, went on to Armin's, then Sasha's. The names of all the new recruits meshed together and she cut the whole into chunks of four and one of three and sighed when she was finally done for the evening.

The folders all went into a big box, ready to be put away in some closet until someone died and it had to be dug up again. How much dust would gather on that surface in two months? Her own notes she gathered into three folders: one for the housing arrangement, one for the provisional training schedule and one to hold her personal notes. The report of the day was left on top of the pile.

"Armin." She tapped his shoulder, but he didn't stir. She patted his cheeks with both hands. "Armin, wake up." He blinked rapidly when he opened his eyes and shook his head lightly.

"Uh? Mikasa?" She straightened so he could sit up and he looked around, dazed.

"You fell asleep. But I'd like my bed back now."

"Oh, yes, of course!" Armin got up quickly and walked over to his boots, picking them up in one hand, but not bothering to put them on for the couple of steps to his own room, right next door. "You could have woken me up earlier," he said, "I wouldn't have minded."

"That's okay. You didn't want to sit in your room on you own, right?"

Armin gave her a slighty uncomfortable smile and rubbed his next with his free hand. "Right. Well… goodnight."

Mikasa fluffed her pillow up and yawned. "Goodnight."

* * *

**Yes, I am now finally contributing to the SnK fandom too :) and in the EruMika tag no less **(this is all your thought, Stormy)

**I hope you'll enjoy this one, it won't be too long (surely not as long as Feeling Free! is turning out to be) but it will be multi-chaptered. I'm thinking about 5 of these or so.**

**Thanks for reading and please let me know your thoughts and comments by leaving me a review!**


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